Thursday, March 01, 2012

2 years in waiting

This dress has been in my closet for at least 2 years and yesterday was the first time I've ever worn it.  I love everything about it- the color, the weight, the fit, the cut are all perfect- but it's never been the right dress for the day or occasion.  It sounds absurd, I know... How spoiled am I to have clothing in my closet that I've never worn?  And then to have ever thought those cliche words: I have nothing to wear.  And to keep buying more clothing like the next item to come home with me will be the one to close all the gaps, to finish all the outfits, as if there are just a few more missing puzzle pieces that my closet needs to be complete...  That behavior seems to be an unfortunate side-effect of keeping a style blog (I speak only for myself here) but lately I wonder if I was always predisposed to acquiring more than I need (after all, I am a child of the 80s, raised on credit and instant gratification) and if the blog merely gave that tendency an acceptable outlet... or if starting and maintaining a style blog naturally results in avarice and indulgence despite the best, most prudent attempts at moderation.

I don't know if it's weird weather patterns or depression or just the result of a shifting perspective that has inspired my changing conviction of late but getting dressed isn't as much fun as it used to be.  This outfit is cute but I feel so meh about it- and this sentiment extends to so many other outfits I've put together lately.  I know not every outfit will be a show-stopper and I have no expectations of grandeur or fame among the style blog network, yet there's this internal pressure that's constantly stifling my desire to put forth any effort at all.  I'm hesitant to identify this attitude as burn-out; I still enjoy creating outfits and pairing colors and trying out new trends but when it comes to choosing clothing to wear for 8 hours of work, nothing seems appealing these last few months.  Again, using this outfit as an example- it looks totally comfortable, right?  Except that the tights make my stomach itch in a skin-wants-to-breathe kind of way, and the elastic around the elbows is restrictive and I had to worry about spilling ravioli sauce on the fabric or snagging it on my chair or spilling soda down the front of it... maybe I'm just lazy these days.  I think, maybe I should take a real break and swear off blogging for Lent, but the problem will still persist; I still have to get dressed every day.  I don't know what the answer is here but there's no venue like the present to get these rambling thoughts out of my brain. A little stream of consciousness writing (later edited for syntax, diction and spelling) is always good for the mind and heart.  Your ideas, stories and thoughts are welcome here, as always.  Ever deal with this yourself?  Just think I'm nuts?  Dish.
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14 comments:

Amber Lena Bonasera Boomars said...

Yup, I can relate to all of this. Rationalizing buying more clothes b/c I have a blog? Yep. Loss of inspiration to blog? Yes! But it goes in waves, and usually I just need to acknowledge it and then I find new inspiration.

And yes, yes, yes - the outfit that looks great but makes you itch/squirm all day! Totally makes me feel like a fraud when I stand there in my kitchen pretending I feel great.

I have no answers. Just commiserating. :-)

SIENA.STYLE said...

love your tights

Frannie Pantz said...

I totally just talked about this in a post I did on Tuesday. In fact, I linked you and your blog in it. I think that blogging should always be something that you enjoy and only for times when you are enjoying doing it. For me, I think that I have never been disappointed by an outfit of yours. I think you are incredibly talented both at creating clothing and outfits. I do hope that you stick around, but I don't think it should ever feel like an obligation or bother to you. You should only do it when and if you are feeling it.

Laure said...

Love the color of the dress!
it's cool with your hair color!
ilovedoityourself.blogspot.com

Jillian said...

Don't stop! I love your use of color and accessories! Your smile and fabulous red hair keep me coming back!

K said...

I can certainly relate, though I don't blog my outfits. And for me it's not just clothes. I've stopped being excited about things in my life that used to make me insanely happy. I still have fun and it's not like I want to give up. But getting dressed used to be the best part of my morning, and now I try to get it done as quick as I can. I used to love playing with my makeup, and now I just do the bare minimum routine. I figured out what my problem is. It's that I need something more. I need a big change in my life. In my case, that means I'm going to have to get a new job. And that...well that's scary. Ive been with my company for 6 years now. But I've hit a wall. I cant move up in the company any more and they cant afford to pay me more. And I need more. Things with my family have been rough (health issues all around) and going to work at the same place every day, doing the same boring tasks is just burning me out on life. I'm bored with my job and that's making me bored with everything else.

High Heels & Good Meals! said...

It's a really pretty dress.

TheLibraryClerk said...

I don't have a style blog but I am constantly buying clothes I could live without. Of course many of us have clothes we can LIVE without but we just feel as if we have to have it. =/
I just hate wearing the same thing over and over again. I feel more "meh" when I'm wearing something that I've worn a good 4-5 times unless it's something I absolutely love.

I agree with Frannie in that blogging should be something you do because you enjoy it. I love coming to your blog and I hope you continue but in the end, I really hope you do what is best for YOU!

Alana said...

The thing I've always loved about you and what has me coming back to your blog again and again is your honesty. Also that you are an amazing writer and the funniest commenter ever (the only one that has me in fits of giggles when reading them). This post is so honest and heart-felt, and I truly appreciate your candor. You speak of what a lot of style bloggers go through. I have felt this way on quite a few occasions, and have questioned the point of all of it more than once! I do believe your personality and style is a huge inspiration for so many people, and so I hope you don't give it up for lent. Where would I go for inspiration for color combinations???

Lyndsey said...

Hiya,

I don't blog, I've been meaning to give it a whirl for a long time but then i have a spell of feeling like this!

Like a comment above, my not being into getting dressed/made up in a morning was related to not being happy with other areas of my life.

I had gotten depressed due to being stuck in a dead end job, had some health issues and was just down on myself in general.

Unfortunately, I can't really offer any solutions as I still have days and weeks where I just can't be excited for getting dressed.

On a more positive note, I've been following your blog for quite a while and have definitely been inspired by your use of colour! In the past year, my wardrobe has gone from drab, dark colours, to looking like a pack of skittles, thanks in part to you :D

Fingers crossed for you and your clothing mojo xx

Nicolle said...

You look great here, and I believe you simply need to take a step back, go on a vacation, maybe just from blogging, just relax and lean back for a while, it will come back to you, I'm sure ;)
http://on.yeay.me/wFrywC
http://on.yeay.me/zkxP2T

Cammila Albertson said...

Well it's true that I think you look fab, and I do find it inspiring to see how yes indeed, someone other than a 70 lb., 12 year old model can belt a chiffon dress and look gorgeous. But of course, that doesn't matter much unless YOU'RE inspired.

I've hinted before at how I once went through some big life changes that changed my blogging perspective and habits, so I don't mean to project myself onto you or anything, but can I ask if you're feeling the need for any bigger changes in your life? I only ask because I identify with the way you described your feelings (though that obviously does not necessarily mean we actually had the same experience).

The last time I felt this way, it was during a 6-12 month period I spent in oblivious denial about the fact that I wanted and needed more than the relationship I was in could give me. But of course, even things that are wrong can be and frequently are COMFORTABLE. So I became steadily more uninspired and insulated over the course of that time, caring less and less about much of anything until I realized what was going on with me -- that I wasn't acting like myself and something big must be out of balance.

So I guess my WAY overly probing and personal question is do you think there's anything bigger in your life that you'd like to change? Are you happy with your job, or even your whole career direction? Or do you feel like blogging in and of itself has become the thing that's out of place with you? I don't expect you to answer these questions here, or even over on my blog if you don't want to (though you're my sista friend and I'm totally up for venting if you want or need to), but if I have any advice for you it's maybe just to ask those question of yourself, if you happen to need some help navigating your present feelings. :)

love love love.

Celynne said...

I have an office dayjob five days a week and sometimes I just REALLY can't get excited about anything I can wear there. I can only bend the rules so much, and sometimes what I want to wear just won't cut it in a professional environment. I photograph the half-assed weekend outfits, the things I throw together and feel most me, and I tend to enjoy those outfit posts the most when I put them up. Maybe make it less about the blog, less about who sees what you wear and more about you when you get dressed? Pick comfortable things you feel good in. And you know? So what if you get pop on your dress. So what if you get mustard on it. You've worn it ONCE in two years. What are the odds you'll wear it again any time soon anyway? And it's just clothes. You can always buy more. And again, you've only worn it once, you probably wouldn't miss it too much. The key is not to worry :)

Stef / Diversions said...

It always hits me in winter - not just getting dressed but getting out of bed in the first place.

The last couple of years I've really gone out of my way to keep blogging through the dark days. That's kind of why I started to blog in the first place: I needed something light hearted that keeps me interested without being altogether too taxing. Something that keeps me from going to bed right after work when the seasonal blues comes calling. You just need to look at my blog archive and you can see the winter of 09/10 wasn't so hot for me just by looking at the post count :D

I am reading backwards here so I know you've already decided to share a little more about your day on the blog. Sharing the odd perosnal story really added to my "blogging experience" :) Also, if you are feeling a little blue (or even a lot) writing out some positive bits about your day can really change how you view life. Bla di bla - you know what I mean, right?

Anyway - feel better soon :) And for what it's worth: The outfit boredom you're feeling is entirely subjective - you still look freaking awesome!